Period.

PERIOD. explains in a straightforward manner and with line drawings, the changes all girls go through; how to handle the onset of one's menstrual cycle and answers common questions. The supportive voice and emphasis on uniqueness paves the way for a healthy attitude about bodies. There is an open-dated calendar and send-for information.

"Your daughter needs this first-rate book."
-- Marguerite Kelly, author of "Parents Almanac"

"Perhaps the only satisfactory book on this important subject."
-- National Teachers Association

* (for our book WITH sex education, click here.)

________________________________________
reprinted from PERIOD.

A PARENT'S GUIDE
(Copyrighted material. Not for reprinting without permission of publisher.)

Talking With Your Children

Who Begins?
What is the Right Age to Share Information?
So What Can You Expect?
How to Begin?
Create Your Own Rite-of-Passage.
A Pelvic Exam for Your Daughter
It's a Good Thing

Topics concerning our bodies and their development, pregnancy and conception, menstruation and growing up are a constant source of interest and learning for our children. They want to know about the nitty-gritty aspects of bodily development: smells, fluids, "bad words," what a tampon feels like in the r vagina, whether menstruation hurts. They giggle or make faces-"Oh, yuck!"-but they love to know the answers. Children also learn things in stages, sometimes in very small steps. They remember information they use regularly and forget things that don't seem as important. This is why so many parents who feel they have already thoroughly covered certain topics find basic questions coming up over and over again. Talking with our children about "growing up" is something parents can do for their children throughout their lives. It will never be covered in one or two well-timed discussions. This is a matter we can bring into our lives with our children on a regular basis.

WHO BEGINS?
Children benefit from hearing about growing up from many different adults. Mothers, fathers, grandparents, aunts and uncles, good family friends-all may have something to contribute to a child's understanding. Each family will be different in how they go about sharing this information.

What's the Right Age To Share Information?
The best time is obviously BEFORE menses starts. The surprise arrival of vaginal bleeding is scary for the unprepared. Studies also show that puberty is beginning earlier and earlier each decade. Today, girls usually go through puberty between the ages of nine and sixteen; boys between ten and seventeen. African-American girls are known to start a year earlier, on average. By eight or nine years of age, girls are usually curious and probably starting to talk amongst themselves.

Whenever your child brings up the subject is also the right time. Every child matures on a different schedule. Watch your child's other signs of maturation as a guide to bringing up the topic, signs such as breast development, pubic hair, vaginal discharge. What can be too early for one can be too late for another.

If you're divorced, it is helpful if you let the other parent know if the topic has come up and how you've handled it. Mom, if a 10-14 year old daughter will be spending time with dad either on weekends or for the summer, let dad know he may want to have some supplies on hand. Or encourage your daughter to keep some items there. They will come in handy.eventually.

SO WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT?
Most children are fairly selective about what they say to their parents. Some topics are easier to discuss than others. Many children who are eight or ten or twelve hardly talk to their parents about anything at all. Children these ages do spend a lot of time talking to their peers. And teen and preteen children are always embarrassed about everything. Don't let that stop you. If anything, that's a good reason to start these discussions earlier rather than later. Don't expect to fit everything into one discussion.

We may assume because they don't talk back to us, they aren't listening to what we have to say. This is not necessarily true. Most children are good listeners, and sometimes they are even "sly" listeners-overhearing things we would rather they not hear at all! But they also tend to have a short attention span, and they may be uncomfortable about how to respond to the things you say.

And what can you expect from yourself? Expect to feel awkward, expect to make mistakes, and expect to feel frustrated. When your "growing-up talk" with your child doesn't flow the nice easy way it did on a television sitcom last week, don't blame yourself. And most importantly, expect that this will get easier and better with practice.

HOW TO BEGIN
You can choose moments to talk to your child when you are in your car or on a plane, while you're preparing dinner together, or during a TV commercial. You might just say something about growing up. Start with a personal comment. "You're ten years old now. You know, when I was ten I started menstruating. I don't think we've ever even talked together about getting your period."

Don't expect a conversation, and don't put your child on the spot with questions. Make a few comments, and then move on to another topic if your child seems unprepared to have this discussion.

And once you've done that, what next? You may want some fresh material for a next short discussion. If you haven't already, read this book. Don't just set it in front of your child without knowing what it has to say. You might have different feelings and experiences other than in the book. Your experiences are unique. Share them with your children. And leaving the book, PERIOD., in their room (versus the kitchen table) is another sensitive tact to take. There are lots of other possibilities:

If you're a woman, talk about your own experiences when beginning to menstruate-when you started, how it felt, how your family responded, and the sorts of things your friends said. Talk about the things your parents said-or didn't say. Bring up other memories of your childhood and adolescence having to do with growing up generally.
If you're a man, talk about when you first learned about menstruation and what you and other boys your age thought and felt about it.
Talk about advertisements about tampons, menstrual pads, feminine hygiene sprays, douches, etc. that you see in magazines or on TV.
Describe the movies about menstruation you saw in school. Ask
about what they've been shown or lectured about.
Talk about the myths you heard about menstruation while you were
growing up. Ask your child if she has ever heard such things, and
then correct them: "You can't take baths during your period;" "You can't get pregnant while you're menstruating;" "You shouldn't go swimming during your period;" "Don't do any vigorous exercise;" "Cramps are imaginary;" or "Women are always irritable or nervous during their periods."
These talks can be a fine opportunity to share some of your own vulnerabilities with your child. You can talk about the difficulties you faced as a young person, about times you were afraid of or confused by your body's changes. You can let your child see that the two of
you have had some similar experiences. By letting our children see
that we have gone through these kinds of events, that we have
survived and even learned from them, we are helping them learn that this is a normal process and that they will survive it too.
Over time, your child may feel more comfortable asking you
questions and really discussing these things. But don't worry too
much if she doesn't. She is listening to you, and your continued
efforts demonstrate to her that these are important issues to you
and that you care about her.

CREATE YOUR OWN RITE-OF-PASSAGE
Rituals are sorely missing in our culture. While not every girl will be open to making this occasion a celebration, it is worth marking the moment. Here is a wonderful opportunity to create a special memory for your daughter. Before your daughter gets her period:

Ask her to think about a special celebration with you that you'll carry out when she gets her first period. Would she like a family dinner, a slumber party with her girlfriends, a dinner at restaurant with you, tickets to a play?
Use a tenth birthday (a double digit coming-of-age) for a special outing. It could be a mom-daughter dinner or lunch out, perhaps a small corsage and copy of Period. to herald her approaching womanhood.
Take a trip to a local hospital and look at the newborn babies together, maybe even the hospital where she was born. For girls who have not been around tiny babies, this can be very exciting. It gives you another opportunity to talk about what she was like when she was an infant, the ways she has changed since then, and how she will continue to change as she matures and how, without getting a period, none of this would have happened.

When a girl does get her period:
Carry out that special celebration you planned.Maybe getting her ears pierced has been the agreed-upon event. It's a visible, yet secret code to mark the occasion.
Bring her a bouquet of flowers.
Write your daughter a letter-including some of your own memories of growing up-and your feelings about how she is growing up. This becomes a keepsake-something she can read in private, look over again in the future, save with her special things, if she wants.
Write her a poem to mark the event.
Give her a book celebrating womanhood.
Have a tea party with the other important women in her life.
Remind her she can fill in FOR THE RECORD
on page 73 of the PERIOD. book.

A PELVIC EXAM FOR YOUR DAUGHTER
It is certainly not necessary for a girl to have an pelvic exam upon getting her period, however, excessive cramping, bleeding or sporadic periods maybe reasons. It can also be a gift to take her to a trusted doctor during her teen years, before she is sexually active or goes to work or off to college, so she knows how to do it on her own and gets in the habit of regular exams for her own health and welfare. If your daughter does pass sixteen without beginning menstruation, it is appropriate to consult with a doctor.

IT'S A GOOD THING
When you talk with your children, share with them your own sense of wonder at the ways they've grown and changed. Sit down with them
and look over their baby pictures. Let them be inspired by your own
pride in them, so they can feel good about themselves and the ways
they are growing.

As you continue to talk about these things, you will find it easier to do. When you feel unsure, or frustrated, or intimidated, think about how you would act if you knew exactly what you were doing and felt totally confident. Then act as if this were actually the case. Acting "as if" is a great technique to get us past our stumbling blocks, and it really works.
Learn what your child's health curriculum is-and when it covers what-in their school. Take advantage of community organizations and school programs about growing up. You can check with your church, a school nurse, local Planned Parenthood chapters, or community groups such as the Girls' Club, Girl Scouts, YWCA, etc. about what they offer.

Putting effort into open communication with our children always pays off. Sometimes we aren't sure what to say or do. It takes work on our part to give our children a legacy of pride and wonder in the workings of their bodies. What a truly precious gift we offer them when they can understand their changing bodies and delight in what is to come!